Sasami Surrealism
by Graffito Tag
Summary: Ever read a fic, and wonder 'Just how wierd can these get?' Well, I decided to find out. Likely to be the strangest thing on the internet. Humor? Horror? Ha! This is uncharted territory.


  
  
  
SASAMI SURREALISM  
  
Tenchi finds himself awake on a cold and rainy morning. The dawning sun casts an odd yellow glow through the windows. He rubs his eyes, and slowly pushes the blankets from his bed. Ryoko is already waiting for him.  
"Good morning, Tenchi." she says cheerfully. Tenchi doesn't reply, but instead tackles Ryoko, pressing his fingers deep into her temples. "Tenchi! Oh, yes! That's how Ryoko likes it" The blood running over Tenchi's hands doesn't weaken his grip, and he slides his hands deeper into her face. As her skin peels off her head, Ryoko climaxes, flooding the floor with a combination of cum and her blood.  
"'Mornin, Ryoko." Tenchi answers, as he stepped over Ryoko's pulsating form, gnawing on her face. He made his way to the stairs, which he quickly plummeted down, breaking his neck. A shocked Ayeka looked on in horror.  
"Lord Tenchi! Are you all right?" Tenchi jumps from the floor, letting his head flop onto his shoulder.  
"I'm fine Ayeka....wait..." He reaches to his head and tears off his ear, so he can breathe easier. "There, now I feel great."  
"Oh, good! Say.." she pulls an ice-cream cone out of her ass. "Are you hungry?"  
"Nah..." he replies, "besides, I'd better wait for breakfast." Ayeka places the cone back in her ass, but she begins to melt anyway.  
"Oh, drat! Tenchi, could you help me with this?"  
"Sure." Tenchi quickly rips off Ayeka's clothing, throwing it onto the couch behind him. He places his hands on her breasts, and squeezes the left, then the right. Each time he pumped, her right eyeball grew. After about 30 pumps, her eye is too large for her head to support, and it quickly falls to the floor, breaking open with a brittle crack.  
Ayeka breaks her way completely out of the egg, and stands to her full height. "Thanks, Tenchi!"  
"Don't mention it!" Tenchi whips the molten Ayeka off his hands and break dances into the kitchen. "Good morning, Sasami!" Tenchi gives Sasami a big slap on the back, breaking her head off. "SASAMI!" he bends down to the broken form on the floor. "Sasami! How many times do I have to tell you not to leave this dummy standing around?" The oven door opens, revealing a naked Sasami rotating slowly on a rotisserie.  
"Sorry, Tenchi."  
"Ah..thats okay..when's breakfast?"  
"I should be done in about a half hour!"  
"Cant wait!" He shuts the oven, and starts off to the living room, so he can catch some replays of him watching TV yesterday. However, Kiyone and Mihoshi were already up, and rubbing their naked asses on opposite sides of the bigscreen.  
"It's mine, Kiyone!" Mihoshi whines.  
Kiyone replies with an angry "No way, Mihoshi!" Their asses start engulfing the TV, sliding slowly toward each other, and finally meeting down the center.  
Now, everyone knows that Kiyone's pussy is very territorial, and when provoked by Mihoshi's pussy, bared it fangs and gave a loud barking call. Mihoshi's soon replied in kind, and soon they were locked in a life or death struggle.  
Tenchi thinks to himself "Damn, now what am I gonna do?" Deciding that it would be best to just take a morning crap, he walks into the bathroom and locks the door.  
  
And he shits.  
  
He shits long into the night.  
  
However, he isn't alone in his quest. He is soon joined by the elf wizard Zyxlor and brave warrior Junato DeLoren. Though their journey is long and arduous, they eventually find their way to the base of mount Olympus, where they battle the Great White Dragon of the north, returning the Queen to power.  
  
*FLUSSHHHHHHH*  
  
Noboyuki waits outside the door as Tenchi steps out. "Gee Tenchi, you were in there a long time. You fall in? Hahaha." Noboyuki walks past Tenchi into the bathroom. He dunks his head into the bowl, and pulls his wife's rotten corpse from its watery hiding place. "Oh, how I've missed you!"   
Achika's unmoving lips offer a voice heard by Noboyuki alone. "And I you, my love."   
"Make love to me, darling!" Noboyuki screams. He hangs his wife upside down from a towel rack, and notices her bush. Even after so many years, he was still aroused by it. The smell was actually not as bad now. He can wait no longer, and thrusts his face between his wife's rotting thighs, and pushes his tongue deep into her vagina.  
Tenchi was never a stranger to his mother, and possibly visited her even more frequently than Noboyuki. But for now, he can only think of a pleasant trip to the shrine, and how much he wishes he hadn't missed breakfast. He finds an empty house at the bottom of his stairs. Tenchi is unnerved by the gray, and wonders why all the lights had been turned off.  
"I wonder where everyone went..." Tenchi remarks to himself. "Hey! Little Washu!". She stood in front of the door to her lab. Tenchi wonders why she wouldn't reply.  
As he draws closer, he sees her face. A gaze of untold horror was locked on her immobile form. The two "chibi's" stood mockingly on her shoulders.  
Tenchi looks on, puzzled at the odd situation. "Which one was it..." he says to himself, "A...or was it...B?" He stares into the eyes of the open mouthed puppets, not quite understanding what is happening.   
He looks deeper into the black orbs of the dolls...he feels himself overcome with the darkness of a torture he couldn't understand.  
Now in an unlit room. Searching desperately for an exit. He locates a door, and soon finds his eyes burning with the light of the noonday sun. As he steps from the shrine into the courtyard, his eyes focus on the forms of his companions. He moves to his grandfather, and looks at him. Yosho knows that Tenchi is worried, and he has an answer for all of the questions.  
  
"Pregnant."  
  
Tenchi falls to his knees. That is the word he had hoped he would never hear. He was so preoccupied, he can't even hear the garbage truck tearing its way through the forest. Only when he is crushed beneath the tires did he even notice it was there.  
  
  
Tenchi wakes for the second time that day, being wheeled through the white hallway of a hospital. He remembers the truck, but is very surprised at the lack of damage to his body. In fact, he only feels pain at the pit of his stomach.  
"Don't worry, Tenchi! Everything will be all right!" Tenchi turned his head to find Ayeka and Ryoko running along with the gurney. He was very glad they were with him. Suddenly, Tenchi realizes that his breathing is more rhythmic than usual.  
They speed him into what looks like an operating room. Tenchi is still quite oblivious to what is going on, but is reassured by the team of qualified medical practitioners surrounding him.  
"Don't worry, Mr. Masaki," one of them says "we'll bring that new life into the world."  
New life? Tenchi wondered what the hell they meant by that.  
"Sir, could you please put your legs here? Good, and now, would you be so kind as to move your dick out of my way?"  
"Oh, that's not mine." he replies. A burst of pain erupts in Tenchi's abdomen again, and he realizes that he is being instructed to push. He doesn't know what they meant, but he tries his best.   
Suddenly, Tenchi realizes that he can no longer see. The pain has ended, and he is surrounded by darkness again. Soon, he finds that light is filtering through his eyelids. There is pain, and Tenchi cries. He knows he shouldn't, but he can't seem to help it. He feels something on his face, and soon he can open his eyes.  
Though he can only see straight ahead, he recognizes the room in the hospital. Tenchi is confused by the form of a mumified old man on an operating table. Tenchi closes his eyes for a while, he was already tired. Before he can fall asleep, he feels soft hands holding him up. He looks up into the large eyes of a purple haired woman. Was this his mother? Then who was the white haired woman next to her? Tenchi was confused again. He was also sleepy.  
So sleepy. His eyes shut again, but he knows that he's safe. He lets unconsciousness take him in its warm grasp, and begins sucking his thumb.  
  
  
  
THE END   
  
  
  
AFTERWORD: Thank you for reading my fic, I would appreciate your reviews (but if you review, try not to ruin it for the next reader). My first attempt at a non strictly humor fic. Was it an ingenious symbolic parable, or the ravings of a madman? You tell me.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
